


and i sure as hell meant all of it

by amirlywritingfanficnow



Category: Andi Mack - Fandom
Genre: Kippen Siblings, T. J. Kippen & Amber Are Siblings, sorry - Freeform, this is like really sad but then really fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 07:10:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19389067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amirlywritingfanficnow/pseuds/amirlywritingfanficnow
Summary: “What is this place?”“It’s a rage cage. You can hit stuff and not hurt yourself. Sounds like something we both need.”orWhat happens when Amber takes TJ to the rage cage.





	and i sure as hell meant all of it

**Author's Note:**

> this honestly got away from me but go off ig

To say TJ and Amber Kippen were angry teenagers, it would be an understatement. To be fair, they had a lot of reasons to be angry. 

Their dad went to get milk a year ago and never came back, somehow sneaking out three suitcases through the front door. Their mom was away a lot so they were constantly having to take care of themselves. They were also both very gay and very closeted. 

They both thought they were doing what they could to keep up the act; Amber dating Jonah, TJ hanging out with Kira. That’s how things were supposed to be in their household. At least, that’s how it was supposed to be when their dad was around. 

But Jonah and Kira were just another two reasons to be angry. 

Needless to say, it was expected for Amber to walk through the door and see TJ punching the kitchen wall. 

“You know mama’s gonna make you fix that right?” Amber smirks as her brother rolls his eyes. 

“My hand or the wall?” He winces. 

Amber shrugged. “Probably both. Who made you the punch the kitchen wall type of angry?” 

TJ huffed. “Take a wild guess. God, I just can’t stand her anymore. I couldn’t stand her to begin with but I was just texting Cyrus and she took my phone and refused to give it back. No wonder he’s avoiding me, she’s intolerable!” 

At that point any trace of gel in his hair had been gone just from pulling on it so hard in total frustration. 

“Told you that from the start. You know I’d have your back if she says something, so please for the love of all that is holy, tell her to fuck off. Even mama doesn’t like her.” She pauses. “I know it’s hard with what she’s holding over you, but there really is nothing wrong with you. You can tell someone. Your principal?” 

“No, Amber! For the last time! People can’t fucking know. One person knows, then another person, and it gets around and I have no idea where the hell he is but knowing dad, he’ll definitely find out and it’ll be a shit storm. You know that.” 

Amber walks up to him to grab his hands away from his hair. “You keep doing that, you won’t have any hair left.” 

TJ rolls his eyes. “Fuck off, Amber.” 

“Nah.” Amber smirks. “Get your shoes on. We’re going somewhere.” 

“I don’t wanna do anything.” TJ groaned. 

“Trust me. You’ll wanna do this.” Amber smirked. 

“Stop being vague!” 

“What is this place?” 

“It’s a rage cage. You can hit stuff and not hurt yourself. Sounds like something we both need right now.” 

All of TJ’s pent up rage was itching to fully get out and the opportunity was finally in front of him. He grinned before what Amber said fully hit. “Are you okay?” 

Amber rolls her eyes. “I’ll be fine. Let’s do this thing.” 

TJ feels ridiculous wearing everything but the second he slams the sledge hammer with full force against a lamp, he doesn’t mind. 

He hits a glass vase that reminds him of his grandmother and smashes until he can’t. 

Smash. Screw Kira and her manipulative ways. 

Crash. Fuck his dad for leaving. 

Bang. Fuck Cyrus for being so damn cute. 

Fuck his sexuality. Fuck the homophobia he grew up with. Fuck the shirt he saw Jonah wearing. Fuck math. Fuck dyscalculia. Just fuck it all. 

Soon enough, TJ’s anger turns to tears as he stops smashing things. Amber had the right idea to bring him there, getting all of that anger out for just a little gave him clarity. 

It also gave him the chance to feel any other emotion than anger, and of course the next emotion just had to be complete and utter sadness. 

He looks over at his sister who seems to be feeling just the way he was and it gave him a sense of hope. He wasn’t alone in in this. 

It’s quiet as they walk, the only sounds to be heard was the bustle of Main Street around them. 

Then the siblings’ ears perk up at the sound of the two people they’d give anything to be with. They’re standing in front of a store across the way; the store where Andi was first ever really nice to Amber and the store TJ got the sunglasses for Summer. 

They were staring, they knew it, but it was hard to look away. Then Andi looks over, waves at them and the second Cyrus looks over, it’s over. He doesn’t wave, just awkwardly smiles, and TJ couldn’t handle it in the state of mind he was in. 

“We need to get home.” TJ grabs Amber’s wrist and frantically pulls her in the direction of their house. 

“Slow down!” Amber complains but it white noise to TJ. 

The second their through their front door, he can’t hold it in any longer. He starts crying so hard he can’t stay standing. He pretty much collapses onto the bottom step and tries to focus on anything other than Cyrus. 

Then he realizes Amber’s next to him, her arms pulling him in from the side. 

She’s talking to him, reassuring him everything would be okay, all the while having tears in her eyes as well. 

“I miss him. He hates me. It hurts so bad.” At this point, he’s crying so hard he can’t breathe. “Why can’t I stop crying?” 

“You’ve been holding it in for two weeks. Maybe longer. You need this, it’s okay, Teej.” 

The nickname sets off another wave of uncontrollable sobbing and TJ just wants this heartache to go away. He wants to able to breathe again. He wants to be able to get sleep again. He just wants it to go away and never come back because, God, it was the worst thing he has ever felt. 

He’d been so focused on the anger at himself and Kira that he hadn’t been able to focus on how sad and hurt he truly was. He didn’t think he had the right to feel that way, but he did. 

He’s not paying attention when Amber tries to stand them both up to move to the couch. He’s thinking about brown eyes, that adorable smile he got when he talked about documentaries, the laugh he had when talking about his best friends. 

“You’re starting to hyperventilate, TJ. Breathe. It’ll all be okay. It hurts now but things will work out. Even if in some alternate universe you guys didn’t work it out, it would get easier with time.” Amber was trying her hardest to get him to calm down, he could tell, but the pain in his heart wasn’t allowing that. “I love you so much, TJ. I know I don’t always tell you but seeing you like this hurts.” 

The only response she gets is another sob. 

This goes on for a half an hour before TJ falls asleep. 

Then there’s a knock at the door and Amber suddenly feels like a mom who finally got her infant to sleep because she wanted to punch the person on the other side of the door. 

That person just so happened to Cyrus Goodman. The reason her brother had an hour breakdown. 

She knew it wasn’t even remotely Cyrus’ fault but she’d never heard her brother cry like that before so her anger was misplaced for a millisecond. 

Just a millisecond. 

“Cyrus. What’re you doing here?” 

“Can I talk to TJ?” Cyrus pauses. “He seemed...” 

“Distraught?” Amber finished for him. “He’s finally asleep after not being able to sleep for a few days. Now’s not really a good time.” 

The look of disappointment on Cyrus’ face makes Amber reconsider. Of course she wasn’t going to wake TJ up after everything that just happened, but opened the door a little more just so could step outside. 

“All I’m going to tell you is he had a rough day and that it’s nothing personal. I’m just being protective.” Amber’s voice cracks. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’ll be fine.” Amber shrugs. “I mean you can wait here but, as I said, he’s finally sleeping after not being able to for three days. I don’t know how soon he’ll wake up.” 

“I’ll wait.” He pauses. “Do you wanna talk about what’s bothering you?” 

Amber knew she could trust Cyrus. She knew coming out to him wouldn’t be the shit show TJ was scared it would be. So, she went for it. Having TJ being the only one that knew suffocated her. She grabs his wrist and sits down them on the stairs leading to the porch. 

“I don’t like Jonah.” She swallows the lump in her throat. “I like Andi.” 

“Oh.” Cyrus seems surprised. “That’s okay, you know that right? There’s nothing wrong you for liking Andi.” 

Amber breathes out a laugh. “Trust me, I’m completely aware of that. The problem is, not a lot of people in Shadyside are aware of it, as well.” 

“Tell me about it.” Cyrus mumbles before looking back up. “Does anyone else know?” 

Amber raises her eyebrow at the first part but doesn’t push it. “Just TJ.” 

“Oh. And he’s okay with it?” 

Amber has stop herself from laughing. “Completely.” 

Amber could see the look of relief in his eyes, only to go back to neutral. Amber knew about TJ’s crush on Cyrus and always thought Cyrus liked him back but this was almost confirming her suspicions. 

“Can I tell you something?” Cyrus asks after a minute. Amber nods. “I’m gay.” 

Amber didn’t respond with words. Instead she tackled him from the side into a hug and the two sat like that for a good five minutes, enjoying the comfort of not being alone. 

“Cyrus?” They turn around to see TJ. 

Cyrus is in shock just how awful TJ looks. He’s got bags under his eyes, his face was tear stained, he had absolutely no gel in his hair and he just looked sad. 

Which is exactly how he felt. 

“What, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?” He looks between his sister and his crush, scared Amber might have accidentally let something slip. He knows she wouldn’t but it still keeps him up at night. 

“I came to talk to you and Amber said I could wait. We just got to talking, I guess.” He shrugs and worst case scenarios flood TJ’s mind. 

“Talking about what?” He knew Amber could see right through him and Cyrus definitely could, too. He knew he wasn’t acting as calm as he wanted to. 

Amber looks between the two. “I told him about my feelings.” 

Rationally, he knows that it went well because they were hugging, but TJ wasn’t thinking rationally then. “I’m proud of you Amber. You don’t have a problem with it, right, Cyrus?” 

He looks to Amber just as she’s rolling her eyes. 

“Of course not.” He softly smiled and TJ almost swooned. 

“I’m gonna leave you two to talk.” Amber gets up and walks into the house, not before whispering right into TJ’s ear, “Talk to him.”

“Hi.” TJ whispers as he sits down next to Cyrus, his breath catching in his throat when their knees touched. 

“Hi.” He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eye. 

Why did he let it get like this? Why did he have to go ahead and mess everything up, again. Things were tense between them and it hardly ever was, only when TJ messed up. Only when TJ did something wrong. 

“Are you okay?” His spiraling thoughts are interrupted by Cyrus. 

“I don’t know.” Pause. “Yes.” Pause. “No.” 

“Do you wanna talk?” His voice is soft and calm and it’s exactly what TJ needs right now. 

“I do. I just need a second.” 

After that, two minutes passed by where the only noise was the sound of TJ’s shaky breathing. 

“I need to tell you something. I need to explain some things. It’s hard for me to talk about so I need to get everything out before you say anything, okay?” 

“I’m all ears.” 

“Whew. Okay. Here goes nothing.” He swallows the ever growing lump in his throat. “Last year, my dad left to get milk, and while he was leaving he managed to sneak three suitcases out the door because we haven’t seen him since. He called me on my birthday, but that’s the last I heard from him. I was upset, don’t get me wrong, but even with him gone, the imprint he left in my mind made it feel like he was still there. 

“His side of the family was always super religious. Forced me and Amber to go to church every Sunday, we didn’t actually hate it at first. Then the pastor came out as gay and the look on my father’s face was pure disgust. He found a new church. We definitely hated that one. It was hateful. They were hateful. I saw nothing wrong with being gay, love is love. But my dad did. The second I showed interest in art, he pushed that down, signed me up for baseball and told me why he did what he did. I hated baseball then and I hate it now.

“He was always setting me up with his co-worker’s daughters, which was weird to begin with being as I was 12. I was never interested in the girls I hung out with. They were nice but I didn’t feel what you’re supposed to feel around girls. At a get together at our place, I met this girl. Annie. She told me she didn’t like me because she liked Amber. She was confident in who she was, ya know? She knew who she was and she wasn’t ashamed in it and I was jealous. I didn’t know who I was and why I couldn’t feel anything for these girls. We started hanging out after that. We were really, really close. Then she came out to her family and I never saw her again after that. 

“She was sent away to “be fixed” and it sent this wave of fear through me. I swallowed my pride even more and thought maybe I just hadn’t met the right girl, like my dad said. The more I did that, the more I knew who I was. It terrified me. Then my dad left and I thought that would have been a breath of fresh air. I could be who I was. I couldn’t. Then I met you and you were nice to me when I was an ass to your best friend, you came into my life and made me a better person. 

“I was finally starting to be a little more comfortable in who I am. I could think about things and not hear my dad’s voice in the back of my head telling me I was wrong. Then Kira came along and took that away from me again. She knew, I guess she saw the way I looked at y- the way I looked at- the way I- never mind. She implied she knew who I was, who I liked, and that it was wrong and it only took four words to make me revert back to my old self. I’m gay, Cyrus. I’m terrified for anyone to know. I’m terrified for you to know that. I’m sorry.” 

TJ couldn’t look at Cyrus. He didn’t want to see the look on his face. He knew he messed everything up for good just then. He can only hear white noise over the sound of his heart beat. 

“Teej, look at me.” He shakes his head. He can’t. 

Then his face is being lifted by a finger and his eyes meet Cyrus’. Beautiful, brown eyes, sincerity written all over his face. Is it possible to be in love at fourteen? 

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I’m really proud of you. Thank you for trusting me with this.” 

He has this genuine, soft, sincere smile that makes TJ melt. 

“Why does it feel like my heart is going to explode and like I’m going to throw up? Can I breathe? Cyrus I can’t breathe. Oh fuck. I just came out to you. I did that.” 

What the fuck, TJ? That just came out of his mouth. It really did. 

“Hey, hey, calm down. It’s okay. You just did something huge and it’s a lot but I’m so proud of you.” 

“I love you. In the gayest way.”

TJ didn’t want to say that. Why did he just say that?

“You what?” The shock in Cyrus’ voice makes TJ flinch. 

“Please pretend you didn’t hear that.” TJ begs. 

Then Cyrus does something TJ doesn’t expect him to do. He leans down and kisses him. It lasts three seconds at most but TJ’s sure his whole body is on fire. 

“I love you, too. In the gayest way.” Cyrus grabs TJ’s hand but pulls back when TJ hisses out in pain. His knuckles are bruised and his pointer finger is swollen. 

“What did you do to your hand?” 

“Punched a wall.” TJ shrugs. “Can I kiss you again?” 

“Wasn’t I the one that kissed you?” Cyrus smirks but nods and leans in. 

All to pull back at the sound of Amber’s exaggerated sigh. “Fucking finally.” 

It’s quiet for a second as the three look at each until they can’t keep it together anymore. They burst out into laughter in unison.

**Author's Note:**

> this is bad. but i love the tyrus+platonic cyber trio oops


End file.
